The first time I was in the Mountains of the wild west, my life changed forever. It was the summer before my junior year of high school, and events unfolded that would eventually lead my family and I to move across the country. For a while, the thought of visiting states further west than Illinois was scary and painful. However, after lots of healing and allowing God to build a new life in Indiana and in my heart, I began to again desire the adventure these mountains represent. Spending a summer in Yellowstone was time for Jesus to pour His grace and redemption all over a part of my story that had previously held hurt. He redeemed the West for me, and let my heart call this area of the country home for a while.
Trust is scary. For me, it has taken time and time again of Jesus answering prayers and redeeming my brokenness for me to begin to give Him my trust. It’s easy to pledge my allegiance to Him when things are fine and dandy, but the moment I need to rely on Him to come through, my brain begins creating lists of reasons why I can’t trust Him, and why I’m much better off depending on myself.
I was reminded of this a few weeks ago as we were packing up support letters to send out to friends and family. I wanted to make sure everything was absolutely perfect, and my little mind was a ball of stress. “What if this sentence doesn’t make sense? Did we explain everything clearly enough? Should we have waited to send out photo cards? Will this offend anyone?” or, worse yet, “What if no one wants to support us? What if this falls through?”
These questions rattled around in my brain as I addressed envelopes and stuck stamps. Gently, I felt the Lord reminding my heart of a truth I forsake too often. While I sure didn’t hear an audible voice, it’s as if I felt Him whisper, “Elisa, you are not the power behind this. When I provide for you, it will not be because you perfectly described your mission.. This isn’t even your mission. It is Mine.”
I was reminded that His provision does not depend on us sending out the perfect support packet or writing the best blog post. My worry over it all betrayed the fact that I was counting on Rhett and I to be able to say the right words or send the right things to motivate people to want to partner with us in prayer or financially. I was, and often do, trust in myself rather than in God.
However, myself is not the one calling us to New Hampshire. Myself is not the one already at work there. Myself is not the one who will get us there or provide for us once we move. He is, though. He is big enough and good enough to move even the greatest mountains. All He asks me to do is trust in Him.
Last Sunday, we attended a tiny church service in San Isabel. Our family quadrupled the normal size of the congregation, but it was wonderful to worship Jesus with fellow Christians. The pastor used an illustration that really resonated with me. He told a story about owning a large dog as a child, and how walks would turn into the dog walking him, rather than the other way around! How often we do this with God, he reminded us. We act like we can keep Him on a leash, pulling Him this way and that. Fortunately, that’s not how it is supposed to work, and thank goodness! When He is the one in charge, it is always best.
God has used mountains to redeem me before, and as we’re in them again, I feel Him working more and more on my heart. He is leading me into deeper trust and reliance on Him. I might not be a high schooler in the midst of difficult transition, or a college student with no idea how her life would unfold, but once again I find myself in a place where I need to relinquish my control to the Lord. I am reminded that He meets me here, just as He’s met me everywhere I have been my entire life, and just as He promises to meet me in New Hampshire.